Just be yourself!!!!!

haizzz...sometimes I really have no idea what am I doing!

Everyday doing the same stuff, doing the things which I shouldn't have done....I really feel so sorry......Starting good, doesn't mean that it will last forever! Perhaps that's what people always said "the world isn't exist just for you!". I understand, I do.....but no point, I still forget the message hidden!

I have friends, but why am I wanna be like isolate myself from them....always suspect, criticize and scold them. I don't know.....maybe it sounds so irresponsible saying so, I know! But really, I feel that from the first day itself, God been unfair to me....why they refuse to give me an ideal life??? I willing to have shorter life....really.....as long as i get what I wish for! But, I know that's impossible....no one can deal with God! or maybe that's the challenge I have to face in my life!!!

Looking forward???haha....I really can't see anything! Just a blur, greyish and painful striking light flickering in front of me. Sometimes I rather when I open my eyes, I won't get to see anything else, a dark, quiet, peaceful view....which I don't have to worry about anything, just to be the real self!!! Will this become reality? I don't think so! I really thought that I am the one in this earth being conscious about everything, others are just my imagination , they don't really exist, just to play a role in my life! But, as now I've grown up, I know that all that is childish and rubbish....this world is serving everyone, and I'm just the very very very small or even an unable to distinguish object! We can cry, we can laugh, but what for? We'll just forget the feeling at that moment in a short while....emotions just fake and being....It wont be constant in our life, merely a flux!

Maybe people won't understand me, feel that i'm sassy and just unreasonable!!! But, who really knows who am I??? I am...who I am, I just have no choice but to do so.....am I wrong? Just blame why am I so, who create me to be so? the person should be blamed! I'm just forced to be so!!! I don't really happy with current, why? why? why? I just wanna have a normal life! Is that considered as over, or it's the KARMA from my former life.....please.....I really can't bear anymore such stressful life....I am human, just a very very ordinary person in this world, why am I have to do something bad just to satisfy myself and fulfill my loneliness!!! I hate it!!!
That's all fake, that's not real~~~~~~~

I really hope that I can put everything down, and be the real me, the real person I've been destined to be.....I've lost myself!!!!!!

The End.....haizzz.....

Just now, something happened!!!

END 06/05/08!!!!!!!

anxious.....

I didn't sleep well last night.....today, when I woke up, I feel so nervous, anxious, uneasy, worry, etc..... an infinity list!!!

I just feel scare, hopefully nothing bad will happen and my dreams will come true!!!!

Thanks anyway to the guy who chat with me till 3am last night(this morning actually), I didn't tell you about my anxiousness, but you did accompany me to pass through the night!!! Though after that my bro off the router, I can't say bye to you, sorry!
You know who you are right???

God bless^^

**World's best sunblock**

This is my favourite sunblock ever after i tried more than dozen of sunblocks....perhaps the words MADE IN JAPAN really convincing....hehe^^

It is a sunblock which is non greasy at all and most important it able to moisturize your face!

Biore claimed to have SPF50+ PA+++, meaning that it is one of the highest sun protection value in the market after Sunplay SPF130.....but actually, you can notice there are a "+" after SPF50 in Biore, this is because Japan Health Ministry had made a law stated that no sunblock can label more than SPF50, any sunblock higher than that, can add a sign"+"....thus, Biore might be higher than Sunplay, we won't know!!! For your information, Sunplay is a products under Mentholatum, Korea product.

Since nothing to do today, let me tell about some scientific knowledge....hehe....if you feel bored, can just skip this!!! Everyday, we just keep talking about UV, UV and UV, but do you know exactly what UV did to our body???

UV is a type of radiation which capable to cause cancer. The effects on cell include inhibition of cell division, inactivation of enzymes, induction of mutations and in sufficient dosage, death of cells. There are mainly 3 types of UV rays - UVA, UVB & UVC. Among them, UVB is the most dangerous, as it is carcinogenic. In the other word, it responsibles for most of the skin carcinoma for instance basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma, and melanoma! How it affects the cell? It is attributed to its formation of pyrimidine dimers in DNA and sometimes it will cause mutations in p53 and RAS oncogene....UVA won't cause severe harmful effects while UVC though is mutagenic but fortunately it is filtered by ozone layer....however, in case the ozone layer deplete, then "cham" lol!!! Perhaps it quite complicated for understanding, to explain in the simple way, 95% of them are UVA, it radiates in a high proportion whole day long, causes melanin accumulation, thus form dark spot and aging ; UVB in fact causes redness and swelling, and most of the symptoms shown after went to beach, they will radiate in large amount from 10am to 3pm.

So, whenever you go and buy sunblock, you can see the label SPF and PA. SPF means sun protection factor, protect you from UVB. PA means protection factors of UVA, this measurement is officially released by Japan cosmetic company. As you can notice, most of the Japan brand will labeled both SPF and PA, while Europe products will merely have SPF and some will put PPD. Don't worry, SPF normally will range from 15 to 50....it means how long you can stand to the sun, before you get sunburn. You can calculate it by simply adding a zero and convert it into minutes. For example, if you're using SPF 15, meaning that you can stand under the sun for 150minutes. PA will be valued by the amount of +, as by now, the max is +++.
This is the indicator:-PPD 2~4 is PA+
PPD 4~8 is PA++
PPD 8 above is PA+++
So, whenever you wanna buy sunblock, SPF50 PA+++ will be the best right now!

Back to Biore, this waterproof sunblock can instantly radiance your skin and cover up minor pores! Almost the same texture with Mentholatum Sunplay Range, what we called "Liquid Paper", Biore consists of powder which can absorb oil and cause the skin looks smooth, just like the effect of foundation, but it don't looks like makeup! This product also easy to spread out through the face and won't feel sticky even apply twice on your face! This sunblock need makeup remover to remove in order to get rid from blackhead and whitehead thingy! If possible, I'll recommend a nice makeup remover tomorrow.

Last but not least, give all of you some tips while buying sunblock, just shake the sunblock, and if there are "guli" inside, just like liquid paper! Then, that's a good sunblock!!!!

Whitist forever!!!!

Blessing Day!!!!

Today, I keep repeating one song, till now i'm still repeating....hehe^^

What's the song??? It's Mariah Carey latest singles - Bye Bye, from the new album E=mc². Just feel so blessed while listen to this song, and calm down my heart totally, clear from all the agony!

The lyrics really meaningful, just take a look or you can lipsynched together...hehe

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause
we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me alive
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown full things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[ Chorus ]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [ 3x ] ) Bye bye

And you never got the chance to
see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to
me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[ Chorus ]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging right next to you (?)
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [ 3x ] ) Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause
we will never say bye

[ Chorus ]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the world to see your face
And I'm bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

BYE BYE!!!!

Shopping = Happy???

Just came back from shopping....really tiring!!!

I wonder why??? Sometimes people tend to misunderstand that shopping is a happy and joyful activity.....for me, yeah!!! sometimes it is. But most of the time, it gave me a depressed feeling...really....

Many people don't understand me, they always thought I'm that kind of girl who just care about materialistic and all those branded stuffs! Yeah, I agree I like to wear branded, but that doesn't mean I materialistic....just imagine, what for we wanna buy those cheaplak material and wear it on? If no budget, just save your money till u afford to buy, isn't that better than buy bunches of clothes back home, and when wanna find clothes for some important date, then only realise all just like "shit"....branded not merely a name, it's a tool for us, help to enhance our outlook and inner confidence!!!

Today, I don't really happy! I bought a lot of stuffs, but just to satisfy and try to make myself out of the moody clouds....but it doesn't work....I just getting more and more desperate and frustrated and I finally end up with "throwing the money into the deep sea"! Perhaps alone shopping is not a good idea, calling friend together? yet I think it might be end up with arguement or cold war with friends....this is what I used to experience:(

Always people will said friend is important, they will help you! But, in this individualistic epoch, the spirit of being friend still there??? How come I never experienced that??? For me, they just make use of me, just because I'm from a OK family, wanna get some advantages.....I understand there are bundle of OK family around, but I can't really believe in them are real to me! Perhaps I'm too sensitive.... Sometimes i'm thinking, if I'm not from a OK family, will they be friend with me??? or will they just keep themselve away from me. I dunno.

Today, I saw a lot of couples, a lot of "machi" shopping together! I just feel awful....coz I'm just holding my tote bag, regard it as my best friend...sad huh? However, today I met one of my junior, whom I used to taught him last time....He seems like looking at me, but I not dare to look at him, just keep myself looking at the different direction; He as well just neglect me from his sight....actually I hope that he will walk to me and say hello, but he didn't....haizzz....guess what? I just comfort myself I've became pretty, that's why he not dare to come to me and greet me or he just can't recognize me...hohoho!!!! Positive thinker^^

Anyway, today's a holiday, I mean yesterday as it already passed May 1, I should keep all my sad feeling aside, let the sun shining on my face. Of cause I wont forget about my sunblock...hehe! Oh ya, guess tomorrow I can introduce about my favourite sunblock!!!

Stay tuned...pika pika!!!! oops, sounds like idiot!