Just be yourself!!!!!

haizzz...sometimes I really have no idea what am I doing!

Everyday doing the same stuff, doing the things which I shouldn't have done....I really feel so sorry......Starting good, doesn't mean that it will last forever! Perhaps that's what people always said "the world isn't exist just for you!". I understand, I do.....but no point, I still forget the message hidden!

I have friends, but why am I wanna be like isolate myself from them....always suspect, criticize and scold them. I don't know.....maybe it sounds so irresponsible saying so, I know! But really, I feel that from the first day itself, God been unfair to me....why they refuse to give me an ideal life??? I willing to have shorter life....really.....as long as i get what I wish for! But, I know that's impossible....no one can deal with God! or maybe that's the challenge I have to face in my life!!!

Looking forward???haha....I really can't see anything! Just a blur, greyish and painful striking light flickering in front of me. Sometimes I rather when I open my eyes, I won't get to see anything else, a dark, quiet, peaceful view....which I don't have to worry about anything, just to be the real self!!! Will this become reality? I don't think so! I really thought that I am the one in this earth being conscious about everything, others are just my imagination , they don't really exist, just to play a role in my life! But, as now I've grown up, I know that all that is childish and rubbish....this world is serving everyone, and I'm just the very very very small or even an unable to distinguish object! We can cry, we can laugh, but what for? We'll just forget the feeling at that moment in a short while....emotions just fake and being....It wont be constant in our life, merely a flux!

Maybe people won't understand me, feel that i'm sassy and just unreasonable!!! But, who really knows who am I??? I am...who I am, I just have no choice but to do so.....am I wrong? Just blame why am I so, who create me to be so? the person should be blamed! I'm just forced to be so!!! I don't really happy with current, why? why? why? I just wanna have a normal life! Is that considered as over, or it's the KARMA from my former life.....please.....I really can't bear anymore such stressful life....I am human, just a very very ordinary person in this world, why am I have to do something bad just to satisfy myself and fulfill my loneliness!!! I hate it!!!
That's all fake, that's not real~~~~~~~

I really hope that I can put everything down, and be the real me, the real person I've been destined to be.....I've lost myself!!!!!!